DJ-Daz. My story to Autism

[DJ-Daz]

I went to the GP, I was depressed as usual, and I wanted some anti-depressants. None so far had worked. All except Mirtazipine. Now mirtazipine is used off label as a sleep aid. Now when you're depressed you need sleep. This one drug breaks the depression cycle by making me sleep... very deeply and for up to 12 hours!

I told the GP this, and we went through a whole list of failed drugs. Then he started asking me some other questions, more about life and personality. A bit weird, but I trusted this man. Then he stopped and asked if I'd considered if I was autistic? I didn't know much at that time, so I asked if I could go home and do some research on it. I know right, the most autistic thing I could have said.

At that time I was a carer for my mum and uncle. My mum broke her neck, and my mum used to look after David, who was born with severe learning difficulties. So I had a lot to deal with.

So it took a couple of years before I went back and said yes, let go for it. It took around 6 months, but I was denied. Around 12 month earlier I'd gone to see the mental health crisis team, they interviewed me for a few minutes, and said there's nothing wrong with me. I mean I remember telling them pretty much everything that should have lead to an assessment, and I clearly remember being very stressed and pretty much unmasked (stress does that to me, I can't mask when stressed).

But that interview lead to being denied for an assessment because I make good eye contact. Obviously I don't, but they didn't correctly pick up on that struggle. So all my requests after that were no! Daz makes good eye contact. And that came from a psychiatrist that I'd never met.

So around 18 months ago the rules were changed and you could self-refer for an assessment. I applied, waited and 12 months later I had the assessment. 3 months later and I got the diagnosis I knew all along, or at least since that doctor's appointment.

It's been hard during the past 3 years, lots of struggles, more videos just confirmed my own diagnosis, and yet I was constantly denied the test that I knew I was sure would confirm it. Still, I'm here now.

I'm now 54 years old, I've been depressed for 30 plus years, I've struggled my whole life and never understood why I was different. Finally 7 weeks and 4 days ago I found out.
I'm Autistic. High masking, with high needs, more than my mask would have you thinking. It's a lot of years to not know. A lot of wasted time. But I can hopefully do something positive with the time I have left. What that will be I'm not sure. but I'm not done yet.