The Mess Hall

The hit list is a list of recent movies we've seen that we rate as being aviod at all costs

Firstly some simple rules:
1. you must have seen the film in the past week
2. you must include a link from http://www.imdb.com or http://www.rottentomatoes.com to the movie, and a brief synopsis.
3. you must be able to recommend no one watches it, aviod at all cost.

The film can be any age, recent or old, English or foreign, and any genre, it doesn't matter.

Again I'll go first:


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1575694/

A disgruntled man creates a hit list with a stranger during a drunken night out and must then race to try to save those he marked for extermination as the bodies begin to pile up and all fingers point to him.

I didn't even get past the first murder.
I like Cole Hauser (Pitch Black) and I used to think Cuba Gooding JR. (boyz in the hood) had some promise, but since Outbreak he's gone from one bad movie to another.
It's also a complete ripoff of collateral, the hitman even wears the same suit as Tom Cruise.
A yawn fest of bad acting.
To be honest though I think Cuba Gooding JR. does a good job, it's Cole Hauser that lets the film down badly.

some might like it, I certainly didn't

John Carpenters, the ward
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1369706

A thriller centered on an institutionalized young woman who becomes terrorized by a ghost

Well from the director/creator of good films like halloween i expected better.
But no, the film is utter rubbish, the story is so long dragged out, i think the film is about 1 hour 15mins approx and i'm not kidding about 8 minutes from the end the "ghost" comes out to play and it's some terrible zombie looking women who was killed in the hospital years ago.. it was supposed to be a horror-thriller.. more like let's make a coffee instead, it lacked any suprises, you knew what the story twist was straight away..(without spoiling it) - a multi persona disorder and a dead woman so.. wheres the fun in that?

Just another ghost in the hospital film full of cliches..
I wouldn't even recommend you watch it.

+1 for Sy, I didn't like it either.
But the totty is nice! Sadly thats all it's worth watching for.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764

A young girl is institutionalized by her abusive stepfather. Retreating to an alternative reality as a coping strategy, she envisions a plan which will help her escape from the mental facility.

I was really looking forward to this, and finally got to see it last night.

At first glance it seems like a great film, but it's not, its seriously shy on story and theme. It's also art for arts sake. There really is no point to it.

The entire film is a fantasy within a fantasy within a fantasy.
Dont get me wrong is gorgeous looking, the girls are stunners too, and the action is great, but thats all it is... just an action film, but one without a purpose.

No doubt everyone will still watch it, but if I were you, I'd try and avoid it.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1399103/

TRANSFORMERS - DARK OF THE MOON.

The Autobots learn of a Cybertronian spacecraft hidden on the Moon, and race against the Decepticons to reach it and to learn its secrets.

The film was boring as hell, another autobot betrays the human kind, optimus helps beat the decepticons, megatron is defeated, silly english girlfriend for shia lebeouf.

I was falling asleep.
As a big transformers fan, forgett his film, you will be like eh?

AVOID!

Really dissapointing.

The butterfly effect 2+3
Utter garbage on both accounts, avoid at all costs.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1133985/

GREEN LANTERN

Really disspaointed in this.
There is alot of un-nessecary story telling, to much talk and not much action.

It's about a guy who becomes the well known DC comic character green lantern.
He is selected by the ring to eventually fight off a bad enemy who uses the power of fear to engulf the world.

about 1 hour is spent on boring talky scenes, which do get tiresome, but at the same time they are trying to educate the non-dc fans into the film, but it drags on a bit.

Eventually when the action gets going, sinestro wants to use the power of fear to fight the power of fear but the new green lantern says he can beat fear with will. (gree power is will, yellow is fear)

So the epic ending? none... what the fuck..the bad guy gets burnt by the sun.. it's really fucking lame man lol.

The boss fight lasts about 4 minutes.. so shit.

At the end credits it shows sinestro who is a long term serving member of the green lanterns putting on the fear ring, so i suppose it's setting it up for a sequel.

Watch it, but it's underwhelming.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764/

A young girl is institutionalized by her abusive stepfather. Retreating to an alternative reality as a coping strategy, she envisions a plan which will help her escape from the mental facility.

I was really looking forward to this, and finally got to se it last night.

At first glance it seems like a great film, but it's not, its seriously shy on story and theme. It's also art for arts sake. There really is no point to it.

The entire film is a fantasy within a fantasy within a fantasy.
Dont get me wrong is gorgeous looking, the girls are stunners too, and the action is great, but thats all it is... just an action film, but one without a purpose.

No doubt everyone will still watch it, but if I were you, I'd try and avoid it.

I just finished watching this last night, and re-reading your critique have to say, it's pretty much spot on. However, I wouldn't advise people avoid it. It's true, it's a pointless film - a different 10 minutes on the end could have made this the best film since the Matrix.

But if you just want to see explosions, stylised action and fit birds weilding swords/guns, this fits the bill. Just don't expect the story to conclude in a satisfactory way...


EDIT: also, ^ that poster does the main chick no justice. She's way fitter than that.
P.S: on the DVD, there are animated backstories to the action fantasies (the fantasies within the fantasy) that are pretty cool.

InfiniteStates wrote:It's true, it's a pointless film - a different 10 minutes on the end could have made this the best film since the Matrix.

I've just been reading about this film on iMDB and didn't realise that it was Baby Doll who killed her own sister at the start (I wasn't paying too much attention at that point). I thought it was the step-father that killed her and was waiting for some sort of resolution to that.

That one piece of information changes my entire outlook on the film. The "escape" now makes sense. It's a pscologically dark film dressed up in violent fantasy.

With fit birds.

7/10

footloose 2011... AVOID!
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1068242/

LOL no shit

I'm currently watching Date Movie as it's on TV while I'm doing some iOS dev... Jesus fucking wept - give this film a seriously wide birth.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0466342/

InfiniteStates wrote:

InfiniteStates wrote:It's true, it's a pointless film - a different 10 minutes on the end could have made this the best film since the Matrix.

I've just been reading about this film on iMDB and didn't realise that it was Baby Doll who killed her own sister at the start (I wasn't paying too much attention at that point). I thought it was the step-father that killed her and was waiting for some sort of resolution to that.

That one piece of information changes my entire outlook on the film. The "escape" now makes sense. It's a pscologically dark film dressed up in violent fantasy.

With fit birds.

7/10

Nah, 7/10 is too high. Action choreography was good though. 6/10 is about right.

A lonely place to die - avoid if you care if things make sense. Example, 2 guys in a forest hunting with 2 sniper rifle. 2 mean looking strangers approach them, what they do? They leave both rifles on the ground conviniently. Fucking bullshit you wont fucking let loaded rifle go off your hands. Film is riddled with stupid shit like that. It gets 6.3 on imdb I guess because bad guys finally get punished.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter.
I thought it was very undramatic and too simplistic. Also the doctor diagnoses a viral infection, performs a transfusion and cures a patient. The wrong blood type would cause death very quickly.

Boring!
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001520/