Me and my brain

[DJ-Daz]

Last year Youtube recommended a video by a British psych professor Tony Attwood, now living in Australia.
The title is, Could it be Asperger's?

I watched it, riveted, and then watched a load more over the next few weeks. I think I also read almost half the internet and gleaned as much information as I could about Asperger syndrome.

I asked my doctor for an Asperger's assessment, and 10 months later it was declined by the psychologist. Some time ago I told a GP that mirtazipine was sort of working for me because it helped me sleep when I was feeling depressed and a little manic.

Because of this the assessment was declined.

Sure the anti-depressants don't work, and mirtazipine does, but only because it makes you sleep, and when you suffer with depression sleep is a serious issue, if you can sleep, the stranglehold is weakened or even released. This is the only reason it works for me.

So the psychologist took this to mean I don't have AS. Not very professional really is it?

An assessment usually takes 2-4 hours with lots and lots of questions being asked, and the possibility of covertly being watched in public.
Now in kids it's far easier, they don't have the ability or have learned to socialise, even to a low degree, so it's easier to spot and diagnose.

Adults on the other hand have a lifetime of learning and adapting, sometimes really well, sometimes really badly.

Also not everyone with AS rocks back and forth when stressed, but sometimes they do it in a rocking chair, or office chair that swivels and rocks. So it's all hidden. Not everyone speaks in a monotone voice.

But everyone with AS has a trait, being able to talk for ages about an obsession. These obsessions are normally high-end, technical and beyond most people. Things like computers, music, the internet and much much more that is normally beyond normal people. They also play videogames very intensely. With a passion or obsession.

They also have a lifetime of depression, and more sinister, a feeling that they don't belong to the human race. Like they are an alien implanted into a human, but no knowledge of this.
Fitting in feels impossible.

Now some adults are typical "aspies" with all the childhood symptoms and even gifts like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Some are high-functioning and appear normal, but they "brute-force" their way through all their social issues by using their intelligence.

It's this group of adults that are really difficult to assess, because they've learned to deal with their weakness's.
It's this group that I think I am in, another trait, anti-depressants don't work on "aspies", their brains work in a very different way.

I have suffered with depression as far back as I can remember, and that includes being taken to pre-school, nursery school for the really oldies, by my dad, and I remember that I HATED it and never went again.

Any way this is getting very long, and my overall idea is that I have aspergers. But I can't get an assessment. I can pay for one, but that usually cost's £1,000 - £2,000 so it's not happening any time soon.

[DJ-Daz]

I've finally been accepted for an assessment. It turns out that psychiatrists as gate keepers, that have never met you, and basing their thoughts on circumstantial biased observations by a third party is a bad idea.

It should be all done and dusted by the end of the year.

[DJ-Daz]

got a running commentary of sorts here.
https://daz-stuff.uk/DJ/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=532

[DJ-Daz]

The bass is so soothing. It's melting my ears.
https://www.eltamusic.com/

[DJ-Daz]

I had a call today from the test centre, I should probably have my assessment within the next couple of months.

[DJ-Daz]

I had my final test yesterday, and I was shell-shocked for hours. I walked out of there and almost straight into the nearest pub.
I'm now thinking aspergers.
I had several tests that left me utterly speechless, and panicking. I won't mention the tests, all I'll say is I have ZERO imagination. It was a real struggle, and it left me rocking in my chair, literally rocking side to side. I couldn't handle it. I was a mess when I left.

[DJ-Daz]

I'll get my results on Monday 10th March

[DJ-Daz]

10 signs of undiagnosed adult autism


1. Social interaction difficulties. In person. Parties are hard, more people is more difficult.
2. Unspoken language. Body language or inferred speech.
3. Need for routines and structure. Disruptions causes real problems.
4. Sensitive to sights/sounds/touch/smells. Sounds that upset me, sounds of a canteen and crashing cutlery. Loud high pitch sounds.
5. Uneven skill sets. Superb at working with computers, but all other areas such as going for a walk leads to where, when, how far, do I need to bring food, water, chocolate. Other parts of life needs a detailed breakdown.
6. Emotional regulation. Or mostly dis-regulation.
7. Intractable sense of right and wrong. Very strong ethics.
8. Unusual connections. Making creative leaps and seeing patterns that others can't. This can be really helpful at work making better work environments and easier work.
9. You're weird, a freak, creepy etc. It could also be quirky, unusual etc. I doubt many of us hear positive things. This really leads to severe alienation or internalisation of negative thoughts.
10. Hyperfocus! The things we love. For me, computers. For others it's trains, horses, sewing, batteries, movies, engineering and pretty much everything. But usually one or two topics.

Bonus, PDA pathological demand avoidance. Google it.